if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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