I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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