I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sober January is a disaster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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