sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
