like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
