So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
