do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
