i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
