I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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