Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
