I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize