Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
