Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
