Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
