There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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