Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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