Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
