just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
