Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
