I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
