Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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