I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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