The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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