4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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