Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
