just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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