What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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