You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
