I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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