what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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