just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
