In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
