i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's rum buckets o'clock
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
