I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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