Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
