kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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