dude i'm inner monologue high
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
