I CAN MOONWALK!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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