we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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