Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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