after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
