I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
