my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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