nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My penis needs a shock collar
Bring me that man meat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
