I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize