did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please don't give away my fajitas
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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