I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
