I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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