So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
