I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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