So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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