hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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