There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
