Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
