i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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