yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
