i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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