My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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