hell yes lets make some ravioli
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
