1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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