he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
