I intend to get homeless drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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