is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
