Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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