i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will be naked everywhere
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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