Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
