I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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