I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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