Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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