My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm both gender and math confused
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