dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She announced her abortion via fbk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
