i will never coherently bang her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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