I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
