Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
