We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
