There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
