Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
