Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
