the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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