i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
