I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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