i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
