i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
