no, he came in my armpit
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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