She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
