Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
