Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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