FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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