So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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