i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
