i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
