We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The air was thick with penises
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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