Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
