I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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