Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
