Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
