and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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