but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
